It really really hurts...

The tears just can't stop flowing. I did not know that i have already fallen so deeply into this until this sudden change of event. After experiencing all the setbacks i had last time, i thought the situation with you will be different. In the end, i still faced another road block...

Why???

Why can't things be easier???

The feeling was there, we both kinda knew how we felt about each other, though we never explictly say it out. After the other night, i realised the possibility. The chemistry was there, the feeling was right. It felt good to hold you up close. It was something that i had not experienced for a while. I started to miss you when you are not around. Seeing you put a smile back to my face. I wanted so much to tell you how i feel but i am scared of saying it. Things appear to be going through the right motion, yet at the same time there was a small lingering doubt, a slight confusion which prevented me from moving ahead. I just had to know the answer somehow. I do not want to repeat the same mistakes again.

After clearing things up with you, i finally know the reason behind those doubts.

I know family issues is holding you back. It is more complicated than i thought. Until that can be resolved, i know it is hard for you to move ahead. I really appreciate your honesty in telling me the reason for your hesistation and what is preventing you from moving ahead. It is good that you have already mapped out what could possibily happen in future. I guess in our situation, it is the case of possibly the right person but the wrong timing. I don’t know if I should stick it out with you now and wait till things get better (which is 3 yrs later), or is it better to break it off now and maybe try again later when things are better? I know that if i choose the first option, you may feel that it is unfair for me. I wish i have the courage to tell you that i do not mind, but the thing is even me myself is unsure if i really have the courage to do that. I wish i can be stronger. After telling me what happened, i know you are exploring the possibility of starting a platonic friendship for now. But it hurts to see you and yet we know that things arent gonna happen between us anymore, at least not anytime in the near future anyway. It's like so near and yet so far. Cutting you totally off the picture is another option. You lead your life, i lead my life. We will be stranger from now on. This thought pains me equally, or could be even more because that will mean that any link between us will be completely broken from now on. Other than the chances of us possibly bumping into each other during company's event, we will be total strangers.

Tell me what i should do??? :'(