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Profile
NAME: 大路痴
You only Live Once, so LIVE to dare, DARE to try, TRY to succeed, SUCCEED to fail, FAIL to learn, LEARN to live
VIEW MY COMPLETE PROFILE
Wishlist
* A Tablet
* Iphone 4
* Coach or Gucci bag/pouch/wallet
* A Mont Blanc Pen
* A Nintendo Wii
* A car license
* A car
* A diving license
* Qualify for Achievers Club 2010
* Reach my ideal weight of 50kg
* Try Bungee Jumping
* Try 'The Line' buffet at Shangri La Hotel
* A Man Utd Home Jersey
* Watch a Man U match live at Old Trafford
* Go Taiwan/HK/Thailand/Korea/Japan/
/USA/Aussie/Europe
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Wednesday, May 16, 2007
WHO AM I?
Finally the exams are OVER!
This time round, it seems to be a sterner test for me because of one reason or another. It was certainly not an easy ride. By right i should be cheering and celebrating now that i can finally relax. Somehow, a part of me was struggling with my inner self. I did think a lot during the past few months, more than i ever did before. I guess it has been a long time or maybe the first time i truly ask myself, what kind of person am i?
I know everybody likes to believe they are perfect although in actual fact, no one is perfect. No, not even beckham, (I will not be bias just because i am crazy over him) who supposely has the looks, the money, a happy family and the world at his feet. What else can he asks for right? Too bad even a 'perfect' man like him allegedly had 'an affair' with a woman called Rebecca Loo some time back, when he already had Victoria, an ideal woman to many men too. Who says men will not cheat just because they have a pretty wife? Of course the same situation may apply to women too.
Talking about flaws, i realise i do have a lot of flaws. I am not going to pretend that i am 'Miss Perfect'. For one, i have a bad temper. Not many people will get to see this side of me except maybe my family members. It used to be worse last time. I will slammed my door on purpose (to let them know i am irritated), refused to eat or even shouted back or fought with my brother. Of course, that was when i was younger. As i grew up, i kind of express my anger in another way. I will keep quiet and refuse to talk, purposely rebel against my mum when she nags at me against doing certain things and sometime talks back rudely to her. Of course, i alway regretted my action afterward when i have calm down because i know she did it for my own good. But i was just too angry and too suffocated at times to make my head think. The fire in me will also erupts when watching soccer, especially when my man yoo~ is losing. That is when all the @$#!%& will come out. Well... that is the only time when i will use those words and fortunately, i seldom have the chance to use it on my friends. If i do, that person must have irritate the hell out of me. So far, the record is zero i think. Haha...
Another thing i hate about myself is that i alway have problems expressing myself. I know some people may have already notice this. I tend to be quiet when in a group and only talk when ask a question. If i met someone new, especially a guy, it will take me a really really long time to warm up to him. I belong to the passive type. I am not those type who will go out and talk to a new person as if i have known that person for the longest time. I know some people have the ability to do that, unfortunately, that person is just not me. If you never talk to me, i will not approach you to talk. Not surprisely, i was always mistaken for being too 'dao' or looks moody although it may be true at times (I mean the latter part, not the first ok). Somehow, i can have a lot of words to say in my head but there seems to be an invisible wall blocking me from saying it out everytime. It will only be till much later when i am alone then i will start thinking, "i should have said this or said that just now".
Sometimes when i think back, i really regretted why i did not said or did certain things when i should have done it at that point of time. It is quite true when someone told me recently that i expressed myself better in writing such as msn or letter than in speech. Maybe that is why i can talk about so many nonsense just like what i am doing now on my blog. It is almost like the invisble wall is removed whenever that happens. I can talk freely, joke freely, flirt freely with endless topics at times. Haha... Damn! Am i suffering from split personality?
I also have the tendency to think too much. Maybe because i am an Aquarius, i tend to over complicate a simple thing. I will alway think "What will happen if i do this, what will happen if i do that?" Even when the matter has past, i will still think "Did i do right? What if something goes wrong?" And i really really hate my indecisive nature. I wish i could be more decisive on things. I think it kind of link to the flaws i just mentioned above. I do not know how to say where i want to go and even if i say it out, i will start thinking "maybe they prefer to eat or go elsewhere". In the end, i alway go according to the flow. This flow, also leads to another of my character, which i do not know whether to classify as flaw or plus. Yes, that's right. I usually find it hard to reject people especially when they have made the same requests for a few times. Even though i may not exactly be interested, be it food, events or places, i will still accomodate to the person or situation. I wonder, am i too silly? Why am i doing this when i know that i am simply not interested and yet i force myself to be interested. Stupid right... It makes me realise that i am really partly to blame for the way things turn out with my failed relationship because of my nature of not speaking out at the right time and being too accomodating when i should have stood up for my principle. Actually, i had already tried to fine tune myself to try to overcome these problems recently. Certain things and certain decisions are up to me to decide. Even if things do not turn out as well as expected, it is my choice and i will not blame anybody. Maybe the first thing i should start learning is how to say 'NO' and be who i really am. I shall work on that from now on.
My god.. after writing so much, i suddenly realise i really have more flaws than plus up to this point. Hmm... i shall add a few good points to save myself from rotting further. I can be humorous if i want to (more like lame. Haha...), i can tahan a lot of thing (emotional part aside) and if you are my friend and you ask me for help, i will definately help provided it is not against my principle just as i stated above, otherwise i will be contradicting myself again. *Brain freeze* Seems like i really cannot think of anymore good points about me despite obviously trying hard to squeeze out some. Sigh~
I think i need more self improvement from now on!
Gambatte! I will be back! Lol~
Posted by 大路痴
@ 1:14 AM
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